Mission: NYC

05:03:06: Cruise does New York as he kicks off the 2006 Summer Movie Season. Cybergosh and Burnt Leader were on the Red Carpet to catch all the action Wednesday night, bringing Cybergosh out of BergView retirement….

Cybergosh here. Let me begin by stating that there were at least a half dozen reasons why, going into Mi:III tonight, I should not have even been there:

1. I very much did not enjoy the first adventure of Mr. Ethan Hunt and his cronies, finding DePalma’s take on the old show a convoluted, boring mess.

2. I very, very much did not enjoy the second outing, as Woo’s incarnation was an over-the-top fiasco of the most annoying proportions. Except for the slow-motion Woo pigeons, there was just nothing to care about.

3. I had seen the trailer for Mi:III in front of every single film during the last eight months, becoming so sick of watching Cruise kick that damn chair and making his “intense mean face” that it damn near ruined the act of going out to a movie.
Give me cell phone ads. Give me annoying Fandango spots. Just not another Mi trailer!

4. I watched one episode of Alias once and did not enjoy it.

5. Another time, I watched an episode of Lost and felt jerked off without a release (and if I wanted that I’d go to a strip club).

6. As much as I have enjoyed Cruise in the past, the whole tomcat/tomkitten shit has been getting a little much even for me lately.

So why go?

Well, for starters, I love big 150 million dollar kickoffs to summer movie season more than anything else in the world. This is my favorite time of the year. The beginning of summer…by Hollywood standards.

AND, more importantly, from 1998 to 2002, I spent four years with the characters of Felicity….taping every single episode and enjoying them more the second time and sometimes even third time around. It was more than just a show to me. As cheesy as that sounds, until you’ve watched it you can’t possibly understand just how great it was. I was going through my NYU experience with them all over again. It was the best series John Hughes never made.

And that — solely on the fact that I was a fan of that JJ Abrams series (not to mention the classic Jim Belushi / Charles Grodin vehicle, Taking Care of Business) is why I waited five hours outside the Ziegfeld this afternoon for the 50-50 chance of getting in to the premiere of Mission Impossible III.

As we waited, Tom was busy running up, down and all around the city in various forms of transport which would lead him to the good old Ziegfeld. Here are a few glimpses of the red carpet while everyone waited for the Cruise missile to land on 54th street…

Okay, now here’s the thing. Tom Cruise. We are so conditioned to hate the guy…but ya know what? I’ve been to a lot of premieres in my day, and I have never…never ever seen the kind of fan interaction…genuine kindness…and sincere willingness to stop and chat with fans as I did tonight. I mean, the guy not only talked to each and every fan along the carpet, but went as far as having his people take shots of him with whoever wanted it, even going as far as talking on people’s cell phones to their friends back home. I was surprised and impressed.

OK, enough about how I was won over by Tom. Enough about how I ran down the block and became a Scientologist (kidding)….

YOU just want to know how the goddamned movie was…

Are you ready?

NO.

No, there’s no way you can be. Saying you’re ready for this movie is the equivalent of being ready to have your fucking mind explode.

It is a relentless labyrinth of action that shall slow down for no more than a minute to catch its breath before spiraling back out of control once more — and in ways you never see coming.

In this been-there-seen-it-done-that age of moviegoing, it’s hard to orchestrate such a piece of entertainment without it feeling a bit redundant. How do you create a villain that is believable, menacing, yet not too over-the-top where it becomes a joke? How do you create an intricate action film with a screenplay that also has heart yet not get unintentionally laughable? How do you create twists and turns the audience can’t see coming yet have it all be plausible by the end of the film? Fucking JJ fuckin’ Abrams figured the fuck out how.

In his first time out in feature-length territory he jumps head first into the ranks of the best action directors out there. You name ’em. He’s right up there with ’em.

From the “did I just see the camera do that?” shots to having us actually care about the characters and their fates…I mean — jesus….i don’t know where to begin. Just so much fun.

I’m fully aware this is not the most coherent BergView ever typed. Like I said, my brain self-destructed a few hours ago and I’m just trying to get this initial excitement out. The first thing I have to do is run out and see this madness again. The second thing is to watch every single episode of Lost and Alias — because we have a new mastermind on our cinematic hands. And I have been converted to the church of Abramsology.

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