Transformers Rise of the Beasts: A Cinematic Catastrophe Disguised as a Movie
“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” appears to subscribe to the belief that more is less, as it veers off the tracks, crash-landing into a quagmire of incomprehension and visual disarray. The question at hand is not whether you should watch this film, but rather, how much of your precious time you’re willing to surrender to this cinematic equivalent of a Rubik’s cube missing half of its stickers.
The story traces the footsteps of Noah Diaz (Anthony Ramos), an ex-military tech guru who, by a quirk of fate, entangles himself with a robo-fraternity that houses the familiar faces of Optimus Prime and Bumblebee, amongst others. Their battle pivots on a device known as the “Trans Warp Key,” possessing the mundane capability of annihilating the world — an overused trope by now. However, instead of taking us on a thrilling quest, the movie runs aground, as the plot becomes a labyrinth of inconsistencies and ill-timed humor, courtesy of the Porsche Transformer, Mirage, voiced by Pete Davidson, whose lines lack the comedic punch they so desperately need. First, he underwhelms in Fast X, and now this. What will he taint next??
The Maximals, a group of animal-themed Transformers promising a fresh new angle, are relegated to the sidelines. The beastly leader, Optimus Primal, manifests a semblance of emotion, yet his compatriots merely serve as plot information delivery vehicles, lacking depth and personality. To make matters worse, inconsistencies in the Transformers’ sizes and weight in the CGI renderings add a layer of visual chaos, transforming action sequences into a befuddled mess. They STILL HAVEN’T FIXED THIS, and it’s been over 15 years!
The 1990s setting, seemingly chosen for continuity’s sake, fails to resonate authentically, as the costumes and production design emit an anachronistic aura. The nostalgic references to Mario and Sonic and a soundtrack featuring Notorious B.I.G. and Wu-Tang Clan can only do so much to infuse the right era-specific ambiance.
Ranking this addition within the Transformers’ cinematic universe is no Herculean task. It sinks to the lower echelons, trailing behind its predecessors who, despite their flaws, retained some degree of visual coherence and narrative intrigue. Despite its potential for grandeur, the film feels like a patchwork quilt of incongruent CGI pieces stitched together by a squad of perplexed designers.
The climax echoes the ‘been there, seen that’ sentiment with its lukewarm imitation of Avengers: Endgame’s finale. With no investment in character development, the grand face-off feels as inviting as a monotonous sea of indistinguishable metallic foes.
“Transformers: Rise of the Beasts” is an endurance exercise, testing the audience’s resilience to decipher the film’s chaotic visual palate and navigate its narrative. The glistening facade of alien robot battles, a simple yet potent idea, is lost in the whirlwind of a befuddled storyline and patchy CGI. Where the film could’ve soared high with sci-fi charm, it descends into a cinematic sinkhole.
RATING: 1.0 out of 5.
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is in theaters on June 9th.
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Abigail (Blu-ray + DVD + Digital)
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