No Country For Regis Philbin

I could write about the good stuff, like Jon Stewart was relaxed and pretty amusing, but that’s no fun…

Javier “Xavier” Barden could forgive Regis for screwing up his name. Reeg handing him his car keys at the door with a fiver saying “take good care of her?” Not so much.

Ruby Dee – you made that “who me?” surprised face at the SAG awards and it wasn’t cute then. Now doing it AGAIN at the Academy Awards makes me worry that its not aww shucks faux humility after all. No Ruby, that wasn’t really “your house,” I know Denzel said it was, but he was acting. The award isn’t yours either. Leave Miss Swinton alone. Speaking of Tilda, jesus, remember that girl in high school who was way too into English class and Renaissance Faires? The girl who even the theater nerds thought was too much? Yeah.

I thought it was class that they played the inspirational, and not at all trite and repetitive, “Raise it Up” from August Rush right before Owen Wilson came out. Hang in there, Owen, there’s always hope. That song said so, and a million starving kids in Africa agree, they like to dance to it because it makes the flies scatter momentarily. So don’t you go killing yourself again, or we’ll leave you out the death montage next year just like Brad Renfro. Apt WHO?

Renee Zellweger walks like the skeletons in Jason and the Argonauts.

The guy who got the lifetime achievement award …sooo directors of a certain age are still doing that scarf over the tux thing? Are they prone to drafts? All he was missing was that megaphone that says “director.” There’s nothing really wrong with it, it was just kind of like a French guy coming out in a striped shirt and beret munching on a baguette. Oh well let him have his moment, but damn he’s going to drive his home attendant nurse crazy in a few years. “I want my juice! Action!”

Gary Busey owned the night acting like a creepy ped molesting uncle on the red carpet to Jennifer Garner and (bonus points!) Ryan Seacrest. It would be amazing if he was just being all Daniel Day and being in character for his second foray into the Predator series (Predator : Dateline – Hunting Season is On…Line”) but alas the nigga’s just nuts. Oh MY.

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